Published on October 27, 2020

The new mommy diaries

Pumpkin patch, corn maze and a baby

By Stephanie Johnson / The Bulletin

On the surface, it seemed like a great idea: A family outing to the pumpkin patch. But from the start, things went wrong, and at the end, we were holding a 4-month-old baby somewhere in a corn maze.

Maybe it was not a great idea, but we did it, anyway.

It was our first time going out to an event and really doing something with our baby. We figured since it was technically fall - with a Gulf Coast high of 90F - we would take him to his first pumpkin patch.

But first, the preparation: It took us about an hour. I packed his diaper bag, his bottles and back-up burp clothes; I was overly prepared. We were running late because of this. We loaded him into the car seat, loaded up the diaper bag, and we were on our way.
Did we forget anything?

More than half way into our trip, we realized we had the stroller closed up and ready to go - and still sitting in the garage.

How could we forget the most important thing?

Luckily, some friends we were going with had brought their stroller, so we put his car seat in that. But it didn’t exactly fit, and the stroller was a little wobbly. We wound up just carrying him. It was good upper body exercise for about 30 seconds. After that, he started weighing a ton, so we took turns.

As we were walking and holding our baby, the car seat fell out of the stroller and took a tumble a couple of times - to the astonishment of those around us who thought that our sweet baby was inside it and tumbling as well.

We reassured them that there was no baby in there.

Then we decided to watch cute little piggies run around and race, and we walked away holding our baby again. The car seat in the stroller took another tumble, and to many around us the pig races became a secondary concern.

Don’t grab that phone and call 9-1-1. The baby is here - in my arms. By that time, he felt like a sack of lead, but I managed a smile. We had to reassure everyone that the baby was fine. We were pros at it by then.

It started to feel like a “Candid Camera” moment, minus Allen Funt.

Then one of the parents said: “It’s O.K. - we saw a couple of kids getting dumped out of a wagon back there when they turned a corner.”

That made me feel better.

We continued to hold our baby the entire time. He loves being outside and had a great time, at least we think he did because he didn’t cry too much.

We took pictures, picked out a pumpkin, shot apples out of cannons, and then we decided it was time for the corn maze.
This was the mother of corn mazes. We were stuck in there for over 30 minutes and couldn’t find our way out while carrying a four-month-old in our tired arms.

In 1993, the first modern corn maze was created by Don Frantz and Adrian Fisher, which inspired a worldwide fad of corn mazes. Their corn maze was constructed on only 3 acres of land and had 1.92 miles of pathway. The maze received accreditation in the Guiness Book of World Records for being the world’s largest corn maze. The record now belongs to Cool Patch Pumpkins for their 60 acre maze in Dixon, California in 2014.

What if the staff all went home and locked up the pumpkin patch while we were still in the maze? We’d have to sleep on the ground and have corn for dinner.

It was right after the tropical storm, so it was super muddy. Whose idea was this, anyway? We’re still not sure if there was an exit.
Note to self: Next time, bring bread crumbs.

Note to self No. 2: Avoid corn mazes.

While lost in the maze, our baby lost his mind for a couple of minutes, and there was nothing we could do - because we were stuck in a corn maze. Here, kid, have some corn. It may be a long night.

We could always call for help. Rescue workers could just hone in on the baby screams. What if they couldn’t find us? Would our baby have to grow up in this corn maze as we learned to live off the land and make corn meal?

Is this getting pretty corny?

But all’s well that ends well, I’m happy to report.

We ended up having to backtrack in the mud and leave through the entrance, which is what most people were doing. We were lucky to even find that.

Overall, we made a lot of memories that our baby boy will enjoy reading about when he grows up. I hope that when he has children, they all have many fun Halloweens - and stay out of corn mazes.

(You can reach Stephanie at stephanie.bulletin@gmail.com. Or by writing to: The Bulletin, P.O. Box 2426, Angleton, TX. 77516)