It’s time to deal with those New Year’s resolutions
By John Toth / Editor and Publisher
It’s the season of New Year’s resolutions, and of course, dear reader, I will put in my two cents worth, as expected.
I don’t really want to focus on my resolutions, but I will, anyway. I don’t make any formal ones that really have to be kept. The ones I dabble in are flexible. But I do have a few, and here they are, in the order that they come to mind:
• I will frequent the gym more often, since I am paying for it, anyway. While there, I will exercise more and text less.
• I will try to take down the Christmas tree, or assist in the taking down of the tree sometime in January. Since I didn’t put it up, this is not really a priority. I kind of like looking at the tree, and it does serve as a nice night light.
• I will make an effort next Christmas to decorate the outside of the house, and maybe put lights up, although that would probably lead to the house being decorated for Christmas year-round.
• I will try not buy any more electronics like video projectors, because I already have a lot of them and can use only one.
• I will also try not buy any more cars that were made around the time I graduated college.
• I will not complain in the summer about the heat, since right now 30 more degrees would feel really good. Cold weather and I do not agree.
That should do it. I left one more for the ending. Now for the fun stuff that other people should resolve this new year.
For parents with children. Not the grown up ones, but those still living at home and going to public school. Little ones. You know, the ones us old people used to have.
• I will listen to whatever I want to on the car radio (fat chance).
• I will not share my cookies (fat chance again).
• I will finish at least one conversation this year without interruption (not going to happen).
• I will scream SHUT UP rather than just thinking it in my head. (This has a very good chance of coming true.)
Resolutions for reporters and politicians as compiled by “Financial Review.”
• Stop using the words “iconic”, “devastated” and “scared” in nearly every TV news report.
• Spin doctors working for politicians, stop adding the word “people” after the words “Aboriginal” and “Australian” in every speech they write. We know we are people. (This goes for Australian readers only.)
• Stop talking about “miracles,” as they don’t happen, when the words “luck”, “good science” or “surgery” can explain why someone survived, for example. (Miracle does apply in many instances, though)
• Finally, stop saying the event happened at “two o’clock in the morning” when “2 a.m.” is correct. (Picky, picky.)
The last one is actually not that important. In some countries they make the time so complicated it takes a calculator to figure out what they mean. “The time is three minutes past the quarter hour.” So, it’s like 18 minutes past whatever hour they had in mind.
I have some more for politicians that I came up with.
• Don’t use a news show to form your opinion on an issue.
• Don’t think that some political event is the biggest thing happening at the moment. Football is.
• Resolve not to cast your vote according to who gave you the biggest donation. That is called selling out.
Even the U.S. Government puts out a list of resolutions, but they are boring. But the ones posted by people on Twitter are pretty good.
• My cat’s New Year’s resolution is to continue staring at nothing.
• Didn’t think Times Square during New Years could get more aggravating... Then God created the “selfie stick” (I just ordered one of these).
• Make a handful of people believe I’m normal before blindsiding them with my actual personality.
• I resolve to work hard on my second million dollars. I gave up on the first.