Weird technology

By John Toth

Technology is great, but some technology seems a little displaced, at least in my humble opinion.
To set the stage, your scribe is a technology geek. As a child, I was fixing transistor radios, taking telephones apart and putting them back together.
When I was 11, I stuck a knife in the back of an old black and white tube television set and fixed it. The people in the room were not pleased, though.
So, I feel that I am qualified to venture an opinion on some of the stuff I have found that even to a geek like me is a little strange.
Like the Massage Me video game controller. It’s a vest with a video game controller built into the back that translates massage movements into commands.
The object is to kill the monster and at the same time give your partner a nice back rub. The problem is, if the gamer loses and gets really mad, the partner may be sore for a long time.
Weird, but not as weird as the wireless keyboard and mouse built into a pair of jeans. The gadget is still waiting for mass manufacturing, but I would venture that it will have a limited market, mostly males.
Using the keyboard right on the front part of the jean by the zipper area seems a little awkward, to me, at least. Let’s leave it at that.
Plus, using the restroom may be a problem. And, the mouse, which dangles on a wire and fits into the jean’s pockets, begs one to ask: “Is that a mouse in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
And, there is the LCD Belt Buckle, which turns your pants into a walking movie house. For $289, you can walk around while a movie is showing on your belt. Again, even if someone bought this, wouldn’t it be awkward walking around as everyone passing by looks down at ... you know where?
I like the Toaster Printer, though. It’s a high-tech toaster that prints pictures on the toast. Just top-load the toast, and the gadget takes care of the rest. The inventor still is looking for a manufacturer. I hear there are plenty in China.
I have seen it all now – USB warming gloves. If your hands get cold at the office, just plug one of these into your computer’s USB drive, and the glove will keep your hands nice and toasty for only $22. And all this time I have been sitting on my hands, blowing on them or holding a hot cup of coffee to keep warm. Arent’s gloves warm all by themselves?
And, finally, one of my favorites, the spy camera pen for only $22. It’s a pin-hole video camera in a pen that holds 2G worth of video. Just don’t sign anything while using this pen, or the video can get a little jumpy.
And, after recording something, you can play it back on your belt buckle monitor.
For $15, you can buy a Sonic Grenade that lets out an annoying beep after you pull the pin. It has three volume settings, but anyone who buys one of these probably does not care about the two lower ones – or how this gadget can reduce the owner’s life span.