How crazy can it get? You can’t make this stuff up, folks

By John Toth / Editor and Publisher

Since I’m maxing out on election news, there won’t be any sort of political spin used in my column this week. However, I have found other types of stupid news that trumps anything politicians could match.

Lion lunch

Like the story of Alec Ndiwane, a Zion Christian Church prophet in South Africa, who decided to prove the “Lord’s power over animals” by sprinting towards a group of lions at Kruger National Park.
Unfortunately, the lions viewed him as a big moving sandwich and decided to chase.

Realizing that the Lord was not going to help, Ndiwane fled back to the car, but not before one of the lions took a bite out of his butt.

Game rangers then fired warning shots, dispersing the lions, and perhaps saving the prophet’s life.
“I do not know what came over me. I thought the Lord wanted to use me to show his power over animals. Is it not we were given dominion over all creatures of the earth?”

Dear Prophet Ndiwane: We are given dominion over all creatures, but the same creatures also are given the ability to hunt and feed themselves, so stop running around them so they can hunt you down and eat you.

Snakes bite

Kentucky Pastor Jamie Coots was not as lucky. The pastor and reality show host believed that poisonous snake bites would not harm believers as long as they are anointed by God.

His National Geographic show featured Coots and cast handling all kinds of poisonous snakes -- copperheads, rattlers, cottonmouths. The channel’s website shows a picture of Coots, goateed, wearing a fedora.

“Even after losing half of his finger to a snake bite and seeing others die from bites during services, Coots still believes he must take up serpents and follow the Holiness faith,” explained the show’s website.

Coots then was bitten by a snake he was handling, and refused treatment. He died shortly after from complications resulting from the bite.

Deer Coots followers: Stay away from snakes. They will bite you. If you are bitten, seek medical help immediately from people whom the Lord has helped to graduate from medical schools.

‘Jacked up’

Jamie Gild, 31, of Jacksonville, Fla. bragged on Facebook that her 4-year-old son “gets jacked up to target shoot,” then got in her truck to tow a horse trailer to a relative’s house.

After gaining access somehow to a .45-caliber handgun in the truck, the kid opened fire and shot a round through the front seat, hitting mommy in the back.

Gild flagged down a police officer and told him she was shot by her son. She was rushed to a hospital for treatment. Her wound was not life-threatening.

Dear Mrs. Gild: Please don’t get a 4-year-old “jacked up” about the firing range. Teach him about guns later.

Fingertip lickin’ good

Kirk Kelly is not only dangerous, but also pretty dumb, and now he has no fingertips. He chewed them off so that he could not identified after being stopped by police.

Police in Tallmadge, Ohio, said Kelly and several other people were put into a cruiser without handcuffs after their vehicle was stopped recently, and officers thought they smelled drugs.

Kelly gave police a false name, and they obviously could not compare fingerprints, since Kelly no longer had fingertips.

Unfortunately for Kelly, police were able to identify him anyway after photos of tattoos were provided by police in Florida, where he was wanted on firearms and drug charges.

Dear Mr. Kelly: Sorry about your fingertips. That must have really hurt. There is a better way. Don’t commit crimes.