When I get on Facebook, I don’t want to play games or join groups

By John Toth

I like Facebook more than I should, but I don’t play any games on it. One reason: I am not very good at games.

I cannot sit in front of a monitor for hours trying to master something that at the end will not advance me any further than where I was before I started playing. When I used to play video games infrequently, I wiped out quickly and used up all of my lives.

I made it past the first level of the original Mario Brothers – that’s it. Then I got tired of trying.

I was pretty good at Pong in the 1970s, but it was so simple that even I could keep up with it. When hundreds of details come at me all at once, I want something in return for my hard work and attention, not just points.

I also don’t see the point in killing monsters electronically, then get killed, only to come back to life and try again.

I know some people who spend days playing a game and then get on Facebook to brag that they have beaten the game. OK, now what?

Oops. I probably made a bunch of gamers mad. Maybe not. Gamers are not likely to read columns, not even posted ones. They definitely don’t know what a newspaper looks like. I’m just joking. They do know, but can’t figure out why nothing happens when they press on the pages.

When I escape to Facebook, the last thing I want to see is someone inviting me to play FarmVille or CastleVille or join My Hugs, Truth About You, Photo Love or anything else.

I don’t know anything about these things, and I plan to keep it that way.

And, if I did, I wouldn’t be good at it. All your cows and pigs would starve to death because I don’t know how to feed these animals, virtual or real. Your crops would rot in the fields. All your castles would fall apart, or be taken over by Huns, because I’d have no idea what to do, and really don’t want to know.

I get on Facebook to post messages, read messages and reply to messages. I don’t want to play any games. And if you bug me about playing them or to join a group that I really don’t know anything about, and don’t want to, I’m going to have to – regretfully – zap you.

Let’s agree: If you don’t ask me to join any Facebook games, we’ll remain friends, and talk about … stuff. Yes, I want to see those child pictures, and I’ll show you mine. And, I am grateful to the friend that posted those high school photos. I’m sure they enjoyed the photos I posted of those days.

If you want to send me a friend request, I’d be glad to “befriend” you, friend. Search for John Toth, Angleton, TX. I’m the one with the dogs in my profile photo.

But don’t ask me to feed your pigs.