Checking out just the right way requires planning

By John Toth
Bulletin Publisher

I found out the other day that a childhood friend of mine died at 50. He went to sleep and didn’t wake up. I’m 55. That couldn’t happen to me. I hardly sleep.

Then I read that people who get little sleep are more prone to heart attacks. That may be a problem. I better start getting some more sleep.

Another friend of mine said his neighbor dropped dead in the middle of mowing his lawn. There is very little chance that I will check out mowing the lawn. The odds are against it.

He was middle aged.

I am middle aged. Actually, I am somewhat past the middle, unless I make it to 110.

I’ll take 110, but let’s be realistic. It won’t happen. So, how about 96? That’s when Jack Lalane died.

I have it all planned out.

I’m going to check out with all the relatives around the big bed I plan to check out in, and they will be sad until it’s time for me to go.

At least I hope they will be sad, or at least most of them. Some may be just acting, or actually be happy, or inpatient. But they have strict orders not to pull the plug.

“If any of you pull that plug, or even just pretend to trip on it, I am coming back to haunt you ... on a rainy night after the power goes out and there is lightning and thunder outside.”

They have been warned.

Also, there can be no fighting over money or property while I am still hanging on. I may hear some of it, and perhaps disagree. But I can’t do anything about it, since I am on my deathbed.

So, once again, strict orders that no arguing over money or property will be allowed in the room. It has to be done outside.

If I hear any arguing, guess what the punishment will be? That’s right. They are going to be really scared on a stormy night.

Actually, I have already found a better solution. I am planning to die broke.

And, I’m well on my way to doing it.

I’m way ahead of schedule.

Signing out (only until next week, of course).