Before you plunge into that cool, inviting pool read this

By John Toth
Bulletin Publisher

It’s about that time of the year – warm days, vacations, the great outdoors, taking a nice cool plunge in that sparkling neighborhood pool.

Wait, not the pool. Let’s change that to lake, river, ocean, or gulf.

That’s better – taking a nice cool plunge in the lake, river, ocean or gulf, enjoying all that summer has to offer.

Sorry about that earlier slip of the keyboard. I forgot about one tiny, tiny negative pertaining to the community pool – 17 percent of the adults who use it also pee in it.

I’m not making this up.

A survey conducted semi- recently, like a couple of years ago, asked 1,000 adults if they have ever relieved themselves in a swimming pool. Seventeen percent of the respondents admitted to peeing in the pool.

Sorry about quoting a two-year-old survey, but studies dealing with people peeing in the pool don’t come along that often. Funding them may be a problem. I’d bet money doesn’t just come gushing in. It’s probably more like a trickle.

Anyway, now we know that one out of every 5.8 people around you in that nice community pool is peeing in it.

Why would anyone admit to something like this? People lie in surveys all the time. Some voter exit polls are wrong because of this very reason. If people lie about such important things, what would be wrong with lying about whether someone pees in a public pool?

I would answer the question like this: “No, I have never done it, and never will. That is gross. Who would ever do that? Not me, never, ever. I promise. I am not lying. You believe me, right? I swear, I am not lying. Why did you ask me that?”

To plunge deeper into this important subject, I spent some time researching it. OK, I “googled” it. It took a few seconds.

I wish I hadn’t. I could hardly believe my eyes. People on camera actually talk about how they peed in the pool they were still in. The short movie is called “How to pee in the pool without getting caught.”
They just let it all out.

“I’ve been peeing in the pool all day,” one young woman said. “I enjoy the water, so why get out? You are not supposed to swallow the water, anyway.”

I was shocked. And these are adults. We haven’t even talked about children, who probably pee in the pool more than adults.

Yahoo actually gives instructions on how not to be detected during the peeing process. “Just swim away from everyone else first, and swim back as soon as you start peeing so there won’t be a warm pocket of it for someone to swim into.”

This is insane. There has to be some way of testing for pee in a pool.

Snopes.com gave me no hope. “There isn’t any magical chemical that when added to a swimming pool will reveal the presence of urine in the water.”

If there were such a chemical, Snopes quotes a public pool maintenance man, “every municipal pool in Boston would be bright purple.”

Note to self: When in Boston, stay out of public pools.

Maybe we can get some famous people, maybe even an Olympic swimmer, to speak out against such a disgusting act. How about Michael Phelps, the great gold medalist? People would listen to him if he came out against peeing in the pool.

Oh, there is a problem? No, don’t tell me. That’s unbelievable. In 2008 Phelps admitted to peeing in the pool?

There is no hope. According to the great Phelps, American swimmers pee in the pool more than swimmers from any other country.

We’re number 1 in going number 1.

It could be worse. Don’t even think about it.