How cliché

By John Toth
Bulletin Publisher

A friend the other day said that he had a new menu item for his restaurant, and it is selling like hot cakes.

How do you know how well hot cakes sell, I asked. I personally do not like hot cakes, and would not buy any. So, if there are a lot of people like me, then hotcakes are not selling like ... hot cakes.

We live in a world of clichés, and I am part of it. I try to stay away from them as a writer, but there are so many of them. It’s like a bottomless pit.

But, is there really a pit that is bottomless? Not really. Every pit has to have a bottom. I looked in a sandpit one time, and it had a bottom.

Then my friend looked outside and said, “It’s raining like cats and dogs.”

Realy? I have never seen cats and dogs falling from the sky when it’s cloudy. That would be messy.

You’ll have to stop commenting in these clichés, or you’ll drive me bananas, he said.

Now, how would I do that? You’re a human being, and the banana is a fruit. How could I drive you bananas? That doesn’t make any sense.

Remember when you got your new phone and you said that it’s the greatest invention since sliced bread?

What made you say that? Because that makes less sense than driving someone bananas.
Sliced bread is not a great invention. Whoever invented it was not a rocket scientist. If he would have been a rocket scientist, he would have invented the rocket.

It would not be a big deal if sliced bread was never invented. I would simply take a knife and slice it myself. Or, I could ask someone else to slice it.

Inventing the wheel, now that is a biggie. Someone realized a long, long time ago that the square has its limitations.

“You can bet your bottom dollar,” the friend uttered after I said something totally insignificant.

Why would I want to bet that dollar as opposed to a dollar in a different location? Does it have more value than the rest of the dollars? What if I have a five or a ten on the bottom?

By this time, my friend had enough, and said: “Stop. I’m about to pull my hair out.”

That would hurt a lot, I replied. Try pulling just one strand of hair out and see how it feels. Why would you want to hurt yourself, unless you have gone nuts?

And, if he did go nuts, I would just bring him a bag of nuts to keep him company.

Take a stab at that.

I’m running. He has a knife.