Bored and sick, I watch people buy expensive houses

By John Toth / Editor and Publisher

I am lying in bed, sick to my stomach. I have a pounding headache. When the stomach and head gang up on you, it’s a miserable feeling.

I can’t get on the Internet. Reading is painful. I am miserable and bored, wasting away in my bed when I should be on the beach or doing something else fun.

All I have is this big screen TV to watch all day, so I try to make the best of it.

I’m watching the HGTV’s “House Hunters,” where a family or couple tries to decide which house to buy. I like the beachfront shows, but I’ll watch any of them because I want to see what other people are buying.

I read a story a while back that these shows are scripted and produced in reverse, after the house purchase has already been made.

I can tell that they are scripted because too many buyers are using the lines: “It’s a nice size,” or “It will do.” I especially like the line, “It’s a million-dollar view.”

I watch the shows, anyway.

I don’t understand why people think that a half-million dollars or higher is a bargain for a house. I’m not used to the West Coast prices, where a broom closet can cost that much.

I can buy a lot of house for a half-million where I live, and have money to put in a pool. Not that I would want to put in a pool.

The last time I had a pool, I worked a lot to keep it maintained, and used it maybe two months out of the year. I like pools, but not on a full-time basis, and I don’t want to be responsible for maintenance.
So, I go to the local pool a couple of times a year, and I’m done. No filters to change, no leaves, or dead frogs to skim out.

I know a person who has owned a backyard pool for decades and has swam in it once. As we get older, we stop wanting all the backyard toys, but by that time, they have already been installed. So, no pool for me.

Time to change to the Food Channel. Three contestants are deep-frying stuff for the judges to eat. I’m watching it for a while because it is interesting how all those foods can be deep-fried.

The woman who deep-fries a cheeseburger wins. The guy who fries the pizza crust, just puts toppings on it and calls it a deep-fried pizza, gets cut. Rightly so. You have to deep-fry the whole thing.

But the show is making my symptoms worse. Watching judges chow down on a deep-fried cheeseburger is not the best thing to watch on an upset stomach.

Got to change the channel. What’s this on the DIY Network? This guy is going around putting in magnificent backyards for free. I already wrote about that. I was looking for him in my hardware store the other day because I need one of those yards, but he wasn’t there.

There is a danger to watching this network. I keep telling myself that I can do that, and then asking why I’m not. It’s frustrating. Better change the channel again.

Back to HGTV. I would watch a baseball game, but the ball movement on the screen upsets my stomach even more. I’m not in the mood for a movie, either.

This turning stomach makes me feel like I am dying. I’m not, of course, but it is horrendous. I need to watch something that has a limited stomach-turning effect.

Back to more high-priced houses that are supposed to be a bargain. I must be old-fashioned, but I would not spend half that much on a house.

A friend complained on the Internet machine that a truck he was looking at cost $45,000. He was outraged. How could a thing with four wheels cost that much?

I agree. These new car prices are getting to be as much as what I paid for my house a few decades ago.
What’s wrong with a car that has a few miles on it? So there is no built-in GPS or Bluetooth, but there is a brake, gas pedal and steering wheel, and all the other basics. The brake is important.

One friend drove his car recently without a brake and had a hard time stopping.

I put a new side-view mirror on one of my cars the other day, and I could tell that it is now running a lot smoother.

I’m trying some chicken soup to see if I can hold it down. I can, for a while.

It’s hard to be this sick. Nothing works. I’m going to have to ride this one out. It had to be the green sauce. Maybe. I’ll never eat it again, just to be sure.

The day is wasted feeling miserable and helpless while I watch people on TV jumping for joy that they saved a few thousand dollars on a $750,000 condominium in California somewhere. Their next purchase will be a bridge.

Postscript: The following morning, I’m fine, ready to watch a baseball game and dip some chips into that great-tasting green sauce. Life is good.