If aliens are among us, why can’t we get a good shot of them?

By John Toth

Yahoo’s front page is great for getting column ideas because there is always some story on there from some part of the world that just jumps out at me.

As is the case with an AFP (Agence France-Presse) headline: “Churchill banned UFO report to avoid mass panic.” Sometimes I think someone just sits down and makes these stories up.

“Reports given to Churchill claimed that a reconnaissance aircraft returning to Britain from a mission was shadowed by a UFO as it crossed the British coast.

“The plane’s crew was reported to have photographed the object, which they said had ‘hovered noiselessly’ near the aircraft, before moving off.’”

I’m not much for UFO stories, although I like a good science fiction movie, but I would think that Churchill, who cannot refute this claim because he is dead, had more important things to do than worry about UFO’s. If I remember correctly, the Nazis were giving him all kinds of problems.

Have you noticed that all the videos and photos shot of UFOs are blurry? You can hardly make out anything. You’d think that after all these decades we would come across one video or still shot that is in focus.

We have very clear photos now of distant galaxies, but when it comes to snapping a picture of an alien right here on earth, we just can’t get that camera in focus.

Big Foot pictures have the same problem. They’re all blurry, perhaps so that we can’t see the seams on the costume. And have you seen those photos of the Loch Ness Monster? Not one picture is in focus. You’d think the monster would do something that would allow a monster watcher to get a better shot – like steal a picnic basket, or eat a car.

And, you have probably noticed that these aliens or spaceships do not make any sound. The videos have no sound or you can’t make anything out, or the spacecraft is completely silent, like the one Churchill was told about. Once again, let’s get some sound going so that these aliens can communicate with us. Maybe they can’t write, but they can talk somehow, although probably not in English, like in the movies.

After being told of the UFO, Churchill apparently said something like this, according to AFP: “This event should be immediately classified since it would create mass panic among the general population and destroy one’s belief in the Church.”

Now, Churchill was smarter than that. He would have used another reason to keep this a secret. UFO’s would probably bring people into the church so that we could pray that these guys are friendly and don’t want to eat us. Our regular guns won’t work on them. I’ve seen enough movies to know that. By the time we can figure out how to kill them, a lot of us would have died.

We could nuke their mother ship, or invent a germ that will kill them but not us, or we can move underground and fight them from there. Wait, wrong movie. That’s “The Matrix.” In that one we make the robots that turn on us and take over the world.

Anyway, you get the point.

There is one alien theory that actually sounds believable, although I don’t think it’s true. The History Channel has run a documentary on how aliens built our pyramids for a navigation device. I think humans built the pyramids, but the show is convincing and entertaining. Some people also believe that aliens gave us the technology that we have developed into the gadgets and toys we now use on a daily basis. I consider this slightly insulting because I think we can invent stuff like the iPhone without alien help. Or, is Steve Jobs is an alien?

Now, here is a word of advice to all you UFO chasers. Take care of business. Get a camera that has auto focus, snap some nice, clear shots, then let’s talk. Have your people call my people. Spock out.