Our 27th year of publishing
Published August 11, 2020
Secret Beach II: People want to know where it is
I increased the ‘secret beach’ secrecy level to super secret
By John Toth / The Bulletin
A few weeks ago I wrote about a “secret beach” that is not really a secret to anyone living in this area, but I didn’t use its name because I don’t want it to become inundated with wall-to-wall beachgoers on summer weekends.
That column generated an inordinate amount of feedback. People wanted to know what beach I was writing about. They wanted to also experience this wonderful place with plenty of space, no traffic, no congestion. After the Memorial Day weekend traffic jams on roads leading to popular beaches in this area, and then getting packed in on the sand like sardines, they were ready for a different beach experience. I don’t blame them.
“Had the chance to read the Bulletin this week. Oh, did I mention I'm from Upstate New York...lol? I read your article on the "secret beach" and immediately was intrigued. I'm working up in Fort Bend and a little in Brazoria County. I desperately need some sun, sand and beach all in the same place. Any chance you can let me know where the "secret beach" is???? How to find it. I PROMISE TO KEEP IT A SECRET....lol Pinky swear.”
How could I say no to pinky swear? I know that I swore all of you to secrecy, but I felt like I needed to show some Texas hospitality, so I shared the name of the beach and told him how to get there.
He was very grateful. I hope he has visited and had a good time enjoying a beach where the traffic noise - especially the type generated by motorcycles without mufflers - does not drown out the sound of the waves, birds and children.
Don’t worry. If I find out that he broke his promise, I will hunt him down in New York or wherever he is and yell at him very loudly.
There were a few other emails and phone calls, each sounding desperate. I swore them to super secrecy before I gave out any information. That’s different from simple secrecy because it is super. No one would dare to violate that level of secrecy unless they live or work in Washington D.C. None of the inquirers were from there, or at least that’s what they said.
To make sure that these people did not betray my trust, I went back to the secret beach, and I am happy to report that things have not changed. I went on a weekday because the weekend was going to be a washout due to a storm heading our way. I know it’s not the same as a busy holiday weekend, but with a mathematical formula that I made up myself, I was able to project the weekend crowds from what I saw that day.
To my social distancing right, a family was enjoying an outing. Two young boys were trying to bungee board in the surf. Other families farther down the beach, both with dogs on leashes, were listening to barking.
On my social distancing left, a man got up from his lawn chair, reached into his cooler, pulled out a ripe piece of watermelon and ate it. Then he ate another one, and then another before his wife returned and ate the fourth and probably last piece. It looked so good, so I can’t blame him for eating one of his wife’s watermelon slices. I saw her looking inside the cooler, but was not close enough to listen in on the conversation. Oh, how I wished I were a sandcrab by their chairs (without getting stepped on, of course).
So far, so good. Dear reader, before you give away the identity or location of this beach - like I did because I didn’t want to be rude - please swear the person to super secrecy to maintain the sanctity of this jewel of south Brazoria County. That way you can help out a person who is desperate for some sand, quiet and salty air and keep the secret beach a secret.
I know it’s not really a secret. But let’s just pretend that it is.
(John looks forward to hearing from you on this subject. Send me a note at email@example.com. You can even send an old-fashioned letter to: The Bulletin, P.O. Box 2426, Angleton, TX. 77516.)