Just what is lurking in that closet?

By John Toth
Bulletin Publisher

Most everyone has some skeletons in their closet. I’m about to reveal mine.

Well, not exactly skeletons, but some other things.

After 29 years of marriage, I have learned to ignore a lot of stuff that I don’t want to hear. Guys know what I’m talking about. Sometimes the mobile phone doesn’t get a good signal, or the line just disconnects.

You know you have been married a long time when you can complete each others’ sentences. When Sharon says “Shut the....” I know what she means.

That’s a joke, But the rest of the column is serious (sort of). Maybe it will help some men reading this. It’s all about closets. After a few years, they need cleaning.

The trouble started when Sharon kept nagging me to clean out my closet – to physically clean it out after a couple of decades of stuff accumulating in there.

I knew it needed cleaning. There were clothes in there I have not worn in 20 years. But it just wasn’t one of my bucket list things to do.

Plus, when I threw stuff in there, I knew where it was – unless it fell down, in which case it was lost forever.

I really didn’t want to do it, but recently I finally caved in. You know, sometimes it’s easier to just go along than to keep resisting. Sharon has that verbal water torture down pretty good.

So, we started tackling the closet. It seemed at first to be an unmanageable task, a mountain I would never overcome. At first glance, there were several mountains in there.

I kept plowing through some clothes I wouldn’t wear under any condition and have no idea why I even own them. They must have been gifts. I could never have had such bad taste.

I found a tie that I thought I had burned. It was a gift from an older relative by marriage who shall remain nameless since I value my safety. It was a necktie with “John and Sharon Toth” written all over it. I guess she thought I would have trouble remembering those names.

Several bags of old clothes lay in the middle of the bedroom, waiting to be deposited in the used clothes collection container next to the laundromat.

That’s a good place to put one of these containers. When people are doing their laundry and decide they don’t like a particular clothing item anymore, they can just throw it in there.

I’m thinking about putting a container like that in front of my house for flat screen HD television sets. You don’t like the picture anymore? Just deposit the set in my container.

Don’t throw it, though. Set it down gently.

So, I got down to the bottom of the closet and found things that I had long forgotten about.

There was my portable cassette player with a bunch of cassettes. I also found my old turntable and Super 8 movie projector (and some movies). Wow. It’s Christmas in July (or maybe August).

I like finding stuff I forgot that I had. It’s like a second surprise. The closet had to wait while I played with my toys. Then I found some old photo albums, and the rest of the day was shot.

The closet is now clean. What a great feeling to have a nice, almost empty, clean closet. Now I need some more clothes, but not shirts. I found shirts with the price tag still on them. I am shirt rich and slacks poor.

I am now thinking about cleaning the office closet. Problem solved. I’m not thinking about it anymore.