If you can’t be rich, watch them on a rainy day

By John Toth

It’s raining again, of course, on a weekend when I have nothing scheduled. I find myself watching rich people on TV trying to decide which multimillion dollar vacation home to buy.

This house looks fantastic. It’s somewhere in South America. It has beautiful high ceilings, gigantic pool, and the ocean in the background.

There is so much room in this house, the occupants need a GPS just to find a bathroom. There is so much room in this house that if you make a wrong turn at the staircase, you may be lost for months. The kitchen is larger than my living room and master bedroom, combined.

You’d think that people who are searching for more ways to spend their surplus cash would be just super excited about the possibility of occupying this palace, but no….

“The hot tub is too small. The lot is too small. There is not enough privacy. The kitchen is the wrong color. Everything has to be ripped out of the bathroom and updated" (They didn’t say which bathroom. There were many.)

The place looks good to me as is, but that’s just me talking.

I must tell you that this is one of my favorite shows. I like to see people shop for houses that are completely unattainable by the average guy. I do wish, though, that the buyers would be a little more grateful.

I would be running from room to room, jumping into the pool, thinking all the time: “I can’t believe I’m spending all this cash just to stay here a few weeks a year.”

They choose the most expensive house, over their budget, but good news: The seller came down by more than $1 million, and now our happy new owners can afford all those important renovations. I was so worried.

Right after this successful purchase, I switch to a segment in which a woman and her daughter want to buy a condominium for some measly $450,000. Peasants. That’s all? A condo? With people there and everything? No private pool or boat dock? Beggars.

Here is a show about a luxury yacht with a crew of 20 or so, custom built for some rich couple.

The guy likes to play golf. While cruising the Seven Seas, the rear deck converts into a golf course of sorts. He hits the balls into the ocean, and a utility boat runs around to collect them.

This yacht is enormous. Who wants to go on a cruise with a lot of people to talk to when you can sit around on a luxury yacht like this and … look at expensive paintings on the walls? The crew is there to talk to you, though. They better. You cut their checks. The burdens of being wealthy (eyes rolling)….

It’s still raining. It’s time to watch the luxury RVs show. I better not. How about the show on luxury vacation spots? Here is a good show: Do it yourself home improvement. No, that’s even worse. I don’t want to be nagged again about replacing those light bulbs.

I’m back to watching rich people buying big houses.