Where are my glasses?

By John Toth / Editor and Publisher

How come you have not come sooner, asks the optometrist as he looks at my records.

I was here two years ago.

No, it’s been three years, he says.

It has been, I admit. Doing this is not one of my favorite things. But here I am, so let’s see how well I can still see.

After all these decades of being in front of a computer screen for the most part of the day, I can only read small print with reading glasses.

To make sure I never have any problem finding glasses, I have, over time, accumulated quite a few of them. Now, no matter how many I lose, I just grab another one.

I lose them, buy new ones, and then find the old ones.

I lost one pair of reading glasses weeks ago while mowing the backyard. They must have fallen out of my pocket.

The other day I happened to step on them while playing with the dogs. I cleaned them up and started using them again. Those dollar store glasses are still as good as new.

Then I found another pair in one of my sweater pockets. I haven’t seen that one since it was cold.

The doctor does all the tests and finishes admonishing me. He probably figures that it’s going in one ear and out the other, anyway.

I have developed a slight astigmatism. Not much, but in the doctor’s opinion, I’ll have to wear prescription reading glasses.

I see perfectly fine with the ones I have, I said. I have a bunch. They’re not good enough anymore?
He gave me the prescription.

Can I fill it at the dollar store?

No, he said, without getting the joke.

You should get an eye exam once a year at your age, said the kind doctor.

That makes me feel a lot better.

I’ll see him again in about a year, or so. More likely the “so” part.

Now, where did I put those glasses? Oh, yeah, I’m wearing them.

Just kidding.