Royal pregnancy

By John Toth

The whole world now knows that Prince William and Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, are expecting their first child. Not that the whole world cares, but to the British, this is a big deal.

Babies are born every second of the day, but this one is special. He or she will be king or queen someday, with absolutely no power.

This is good. We don’t want England to be a kingdom, The current democracy with a parliament and prime minister will do. Nevertheless, the Brits like their royalty and are willing to support them.

So, anything that happens to members of the royal family is big news. It gives the Brits a lot to talk about and allows tabloids to sell more papers - like when Prince Harry was seen naked in Vegas. That was big news.

Anyone else who goes naked in Vegas is just carried back to the hotel room, and it’s a done deal. Harry does it, and the whole world knows because he is a prince.

And, I almost forgot the semi-nude photos of Kate that caused a big uproar. How could she do that, being royal and everything?

Could it be that they are humans like the rest of us, and they do stuff that the rest of us do? O.K. I never ever went nude in public in Vegas, but others probably have.

If one of our U.S. Senators went nude in Vegas, that would be big news. Oh, wait, that occurs way too often. Maybe he’d make the 24-hour news cycle, and then be replaced by the Octomom, who is planning to attend the “Oscars of porn.”

“Big news. Dump the nude senator. Let’s go live to the Octomom.”

She is not as important as a pregnant princess puking profusely because of morning sickness, but that’s as close as we can get without having to support a royal family with our tax dollars.

It’s hard enough to support the politicians, yet alone put aside a few more million to see a princess shake her hand and wave. But, if that’s what you Brits want, it’s none of our business.

Kate has been hospitalized because of morning sickness, which is something that most commoners would just ride out while remaining near the restroom.

Having participated in birthing three children of my own (I helped to get them started), I speak from experience.

Yes, I was there to make sure everything was alright, and I was attentive, but running to the hospital because my wife was throwing up in the morning did not happen.

But let’s be fair and balanced, because I am not a medical doctor, and I just looked something up on Google. Less than 1percent of all pregnant women are hospitalized for vomiting, and Kate just happens to be in this small group.

We also had to overcome problems when my children were born. I had a severe cold and felt awful on the day our first son was born. I asked my wife if she could hold off for at least another day. She refused.

And, I’ll never forget that I had to drive around the hospital parking lot gate because the wife was about to have that baby right there in the passenger seat. It was close.

Plus, I had to rush my breakfast at the hospital cafeteria so I would be back in time for the delivery.
So, we all have complications; it’s just that when you are royalty, everyone is watching.

Since we are discussing royalty, back to Kate.

Her pregnancy is important in the royal pecking order. It knocks Prince Harry out of the running for king. Sorry, Harry, but you can always come back to Vegas, where we’ll treat you like a king ... clad or naked.

But, who cares about royalty, anyway?

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